The Definitive Book of Body Language book. Read reviews from the world's largest community for readers. Available for the first time in the United St. risigranoli.ga: The Definitive Book of Body Language: The Hidden Meaning Behind People's Gestures and Expressions (): Barbara Pease. Allan and Barbara Pease are the internationally renowned experts in human relations and body language, whose 20 million book sales world- wide have turned.
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Want more on body language? Read The Definitive Book of Body Language Summary--we've put together 10 takeaways from the book. The Definitive Book of Body Language by Barbara Pease, , available at Book Depository with free delivery worldwide. Available for the first time in the United States, this international bestseller reveals the secrets of nonverbal communication to give you confidence.
The speed of the nod signals the patience—or lack of patience—of the listener. Slow nodding communicates that the listener is interested in what the speaker is saying so give slow, deliberate clusters of three head nods when the other person is making a point.
Head Nods to Get More Information A technique to get people to talk more and give you more information is to nod your head during his answer.
After he replies, you keep nodding your head another five times with one nod per second. Pease says that by the time you counted to 4, he will usually resume speaking and give you more information.
Chin Forward: When the head is lifted high and the chin pushed out and high it signals superiority, fearlessness or arrogance. Women will use it to show interest in men they like Head Down: a chin down signals a negative, judgmental or aggressive attitude.
Lint Picking Looking away while picking imaginary lint is a sign of disapproval. Hands on Hips The Definitive Book of Body Language says that placing the hands on the hips and pointing the elbows out shows readiness to dominate. One hand on the hip is similar, especially if the elbow is pointed towards the person we are issuing the challenge to. Men use it around women to display an assertive male attitude. Men use this gesture to stake their territory or to show other men they mean business.
If it is used while talking to women, especially with dilated pupils and a foot pointing towards her, it immediately gives the game away as to what are his intentions.
Leg Over Arm Chair Mostly a man gesture as it also uses the legs spread.
It communicates ownership and signals an informal and aggressive attitude. If someone is having a serious discussion, it also communicate superiority and indifference.
Straddling a Chair Barbara and Allan Pease say that the person straddling a chair wants to dominate the crotch display while at the same time using the back of the chair for protection. Straddlers tend to be dominant types who will try to take control of others when they get bored with the conversation. The heads are behind the head with the elbows pointing outward.
It gives an air of superiority, like the person knows it all. Legs are usually in a Figure Four or Crotch Display. Show of Readiness Barbara and Allan Pease say that leaning forward with one hand on the knee, or both hands on the knees as it were the start of a race, signals that a person has reached a decision.
If it comes after decision making clusters chin stroking then the decision can often be positive. It also signal the desire to end the meeting and move out. Basically mirroring says, nonverbally, that you two are similar and share the same attitudes.
When people refer to having a good vibe or that it feels right they are unknowingly referring to mirroring and synchronous behavior. Usually the person with the highest status makes the first move and the others copy. Men VS Women Mirroring Barbara and Allan Pease say that women are four times more likely to mirror another woman than a man to mirror another man.
Men feel awkward at the idea of using facial feedback while listening as it makes them feel effeminate. Women judge men who use facial feedback as caring, intelligent, interesting and attractive. Pease suggests never to speak quicker than the other person as that makes them feel pressured. Do not mirror their negative signals though in order to create rapport.
Subordinate — Boss Mirroring Barbara and Allan Pease say that when the leader adopts a pose, the subordinates will usually copy, often in ranking order. Leaders also tend to be the first of a group to walk through a doorway and like to sit at the end of a sofa rather than in the middle. In a conference room, the boss usually sits at the head of the table, often farthest away from the door.
In a boardroom, people who will mirror your position are also the most likely to vote for you. Smoking then is one of the many displacement activities people use while non smokers chew gums, bite their nails, groom, tap their foot, scratch their heads or play with something.
Blowing Smoke Blowing the smoke of a cigarette up is a positive sign. Conversely blowing down is a sign the smoker is in a negative, secretive or suspicious frame of mind.
Blowing down from the corner of the mouth further reinforces the negative sign. Speed of Blowing Smoke The speed at which the smoke is blown is an indicator of the intensity of the feelings. You can then change course terminate it earlier so it seems it was your decision. Glasses The Definitive Book of Body Language quotes Desmond Morris when he noted that putting objects against the lips or the mouth is an attempt to relive the security a baby had when he was breastfeeding.
A person wearing glasses putting the arm of the frame in or near the mouth is looking for reassurance. Big frame glasses project power while frameless or thin frame glasses convey a powerless image and say you are more interested in fashion than in business and the opposite is true in social situation.
Peering Over Glasses Barbara and Allan Pease say that looking at people over the rim of the glasses gives a sensation they are being judged. The person on the receiving end may respond to it by crossing their arms.
Sunglasses on the Head Dark sunglasses during meetings make you appear secretive and even insecure. Glasses and Makeup Makeup adds credibility for women in business, as confirmed by a small experiment Pease conducted himself. The combo of makeup and glasses was even more powerful. Lipsticks Barbara and Allan Pease say that wearing bright color lipsticks for interviews made women appear as if they were more interested in themselves than in business and career. Women without lipsticks were seen as more serious about work than men, but they were also seen as more lacking in personal skills.
Slimmer briefcases say the person is only concerned with the bottom line and has more status. Body Angles Open Positions Standing straight and facing someone head on is perceived as aggressive.
To avoid taking an aggressive stand we must stand at 45 degrees angles so that together with our speaking partner we form a 90 degrees angle. This position invites other to join the conversation. Pointing the body away from the listener is seen as confident but not aggresive. Closed Positions Barbara and Allan Pease say that if two people want intimacy they will instead face each other. If someone wants to monopolize the conversation with someone, they will take this position. If the other person accepts the courtship signal, they will also orient their bodies at zero angle.
The Closed Position can also be used to issue a challenge between people who are hostile to each other. Only turning the heads towards someone signals that the newcomer is not very welcome. They will probably have tight lipped smiles as well. Seated Body Pointing When we are seated we can point our knees towards the person we are most interested in or towards the person we accept the most.
Feet serve the same purpose: we point our feet towards the person we find the most interesting. Courtship and Attraction Gestures The Definitive Book of Body Language quotes Albert Scheflen when he found out that when we meet someone from the opposite sex meet physiological changes take place that make us more youthful in appearance.
A man will stand taller, protrude his jaw, and expand his chest while an interested woman will make her more submissive and feminine. Today however we see the re-emergence of the me who takes care of himself, sometimes even in ways which have been predominantly feminine.
This is the sometimes so called metrosexual man. The authors say that while the metrosexual male seem strange to many heterosexual men, their observations shows that metrosexuals fall in the categories of gay men, effeminate men and who realize that many traditional female behaviors are a great way to meet lots of women Robert Greene talks about it in his Dandies section of The Art of Seduction.
Attracting The Opposite Sex When someone wants to attract the opposite sex, we do so by emphasizing sexual differences. Women would describe Graham as sexy, masculine, humorous and as making them feel feminine.
Men described him as aggressive, insincere, arrogant and not particularly funny. Women Call the Shots The Definitive Book of Body Language will tell you what most good observers noted by themselves: most men will tell you they made the first move. Women and Men Misunderstandings Barbara and Allan Pease say most men tend to mistake friendliness and smiling for sexual interest.
Upon meeting a possible partner women tend to send a flurry of courting rituals in the first minutes. They often send ambiguous messages in the early stages to manipulate men into showing their hand. Men often confuse these signals and make a clumsy pass. The Attraction Process The human courtship follows a predictable five step sequence: Stage 1.
Eye contact: She looks at him until he notices and hold eye contact for around five seconds, then turns away. Smiling: She gives him a quick half smil Stage 3. Look at Undercover Sex Signals for more. He can respond standing up straight, pulling in stomach, expanding his chest, tucking his thumbs into his belt and preening as well.
They point their feet or entire bodies toward each other. Stage 4. Talk: He approaches and attempts to make small talk Stage 5. A hand touch is more intimate than the arm.
The touch is repeated to let them know it was not accidental. Touching the shoulder of a man says she cares about his health and appearance. The 13 Most Common Female Courtship Signals The Definitive Book of Body Language says that women use a lot of the same gestures men use, such as touching the hair, smoothing the clothes, body pointing, gaze and one or both hands on hips.
Head Toss and Hair Flick: Usually the first, used even by women with short hair Wet Lips and Pouting, Mouth Open: women have more subcutaneous fat than men, including lips, which are used as a sign of femininity. Also the female genital lips are proportional to their lips, so it becomes a sexual mimicry. Aroused women have their lips, breasts and genitals become larger and redder because of blood circulation, so red lipsticks are very attractive Self Touching: our minds act our secret desires Limp Wrist: the Limp Wrist is a submission signals used only by women and gay men.
In business situation should be avoided Fondling a Cylindrical Object: a man could in turn symbolically possess her by fondling her belonging a cigarette lighter, keys etc. Exposed Wrists: especially simple to do for smoking women Sideways Glance On Raised Shoulder: Rolling Hips: a woman has an accentuated roll that highlights her feminine pelvic region Pelvic Tilt: Tilting the pelvis shows her waist to hip ration.
Fondling or asking him to get something from it is equally positive Knee Point Shoe Fondle: it has the phallic effect of thrusting the foot in and out. Other leg signals are crossing and uncrossing the legs slowly in front of the man and gently stroking the thighs with her hand Also later on Pease says that a woman is likely to lean forward and push her arms close, pressing her breasts together and showing cleavage. Male Courtship Signals Men are generally not good at sending and receiving the signals used in the mating game.
Male courtship signals involved the display of power, wealth and status. Some other signs include: Preening: straightening the tie, brush imagine dust from the shoulder, touch cufflinks or watch and rearrange shirt or coat Crotch Displays: the most direct sexual display is the aggressive thumbs in belt gesture; when seated or against a wall he can also spread his legs Crotch Adjustments What Men Look at in Women Barbara and Allan Pease say that when it comes to body shape both men and women prefer athletic body shapes.
Men are more attracted to women with a childlike face -large eyes, small nose and full lips and cheeks- as it releases hormones that want to make them protect her.
Women prefer instead adult faces such as strong jaws, larger brows and strong nose. What Women Look At Most The Definitive Book of Body Language say something you are probably familiar with: women prefer men with deeper, smoother voices because deep tones are linked to testosterone levels. Pease adds that in countries where feminism has been more influential women have taken jobs requiring more testosterone production and have become more assertive and authoritative and their voice deepened as well.
Broad shoulders, muscular chest and arms and a tight butt are preferred. Barbara and Allan Pease say that tight butt are preferred because it helps making the strong, forward motions needed for successful sperm transfer during sex. Availability Beats Looks The authors say that a man is often more attracted to a woman by the signs of her availability than by her physical attractiveness and you can learn and practice availability signals.
Indeed, Pease says, studies show that most people are skeptical about beautiful people and it appears to be inborn as babies prefer average faces to very beautiful ones.
Hot VS Cold People who are described as cold tend to be physically colder too because their blood flows to legs and arm muscles for the fight or flight response.
When one person is attracted to another blood rises to the skin surface making them warmer. If the object we lean against or touch belong to someone else it can also be used as an intimidation sign or as a challenge.
A boss speaking to a subordinate in his own office could put his feet on the desk, but if his superior enters his office he is more likely to change that position, and might for example place a foot on the bottom drawer of the desk.
Lovers hold hands or put their arms around each other to show wanna be competitors they have a claim on that person. Taller men tend to have greater reproductive success because height is linked to testosterone and because women tend to choose taller partners. Men prefer shorter women because it gives them the height advantage.
On the screen we tend to assigner height centimeters based on the power and authority of their presentation. This is why, Pease say, many short actors or politicians do well on the screen: they simply act tall. Also, you act the way you need to act independently of your height. As a matter of fact, a short man acting powerfully is even more impressive and a taller man acting submissive is more striking. Just look Joe Pesci doing it: Powerful performances or impressive titles all lead to you being perceived as taller.
Barbara and Allan Pease say that if you want to test the authority that comes with height lie down on the floor and try to reprimand someone standing.
Then try the opposite. If you really wanted to try something similar, then you should stand on your knees. You should just try to reprimand someone taller than you, as simple as that.
Very tall people can have the disadvantage when they want to connect with people shorter than they are. View all 11 comments. Apr 15, imane rated it it was amazing Shelves: Aug 05, Ellen Maze rated it really liked it Recommends it for: People Watchers.
As an author, I am naturally a student of observation, so this book had the potential to be of great service to me not only in my writing, but in character-building and expression. I enjoyed the read. Unlike some other Body Language books, this one has a lot of photographs, and at the risk of sounding sophomoric, they really added to my understanding of the text.
I think everyone who As an author, I am naturally a student of observation, so this book had the potential to be of great service to me not only in my writing, but in character-building and expression. I think everyone who reads this book will have their eyes opened, and begin to read body language everywhere they go. The only thing that bugged me was that the authors used evolution to explain much of the human's use of body language.
I didn't find their theories believable, and evolution explanations really weren't necessary. I would expect some reference to the ape-man, Neanderthal, etc, but these authors referred to them with a fervor akin to proselytizing.
This shortcoming is the only thing that held me back from leaving 5-stars. Skimming those sections was easy, and the book is well worth the read and the download price.
View 2 comments. Jul 27, Gabriela rated it it was amazing.
Allan Pease and Barbara Pease apply their experience in medicine, biology and psychology to illustrate the workings of the brain and how this influences our body language. In the Definite Book Of Body Language, the authors show us how we can use our knowledge of the brain's functions to understand people's emotions and behaviors.
I have to say that neuropsychology and behavioral science have always fascinated me. There are many books out there about these topics.
But I found this one particularly Allan Pease and Barbara Pease apply their experience in medicine, biology and psychology to illustrate the workings of the brain and how this influences our body language.
But I found this one particularly interesting as it covered real life examples which you could see yourself applying or identify body language behavior and what the other person in communicating. The authors have used real life examples and offer various exercises that you can undertake to practice reading people's emotions and behaviors.
I would recommend this one to everyone really. Whether you are interviewer, a manager, a teacher, businessperson, someone looking for a job, or for a partner, this book can help you understand other people's behavior and perhaps overcome communicational barriers. It does serve as a great premier especially if you are not entirely familiar with the psychology of body language. This book was very difficult to rate.
On one hand, it's a pretty comprehensive guide of human gestures and postures, aided in their understanding by suggestive illustrations.
On the other hand, I kept getting the feeling that the authors were trying really, really hard to sell me a commercial version of body language. Often, things were exaggeratedly emphasized in a clickbaity way and I would not have been surprised to see chapter titles such as: Searching for information about the authors, I see that neither of them is a psychologist or scientist of any kind.
They're just really, really good salespeople who've found their niche. That makes me a bit skeptical about the validity of the interpretations they offer. There are other clues that make me doubt the content. One is the studies cited at the end. The book often contained phrases such as "studies show" or "research says". However, if I wanted to read about the study mentioned in chapter X, point Y, and flipped the pages to the end of the book, surprise!
Instead of showing the research in the order it is cited, it is shown alphabetically. That means that I have to wade through a few hundred cited sources to see which applies and I am pretty sure this was done on purpose. The other objection I have with the studies is that most of them are from the 70s. The newest ones are from A few other things bothered me. One was the "old gramps who's trying to be hip" cringe humor. The second was the outdated examples and references - it really shows that the book hasn't been edited for a newer audience, but is still stuck somewhere in the 80ss in mentality too.
Then there were the problems I had encountered in the previous body language book I had read, although to a lesser extent here. First, the book had a really strong emphasis on man vs man or man vs woman relationships. Second, there were very few references to woman vs woman relationships.
What about female friends? Is the notion that alien? Third, all the interactions between men and women were interpreted in a sexual manner. What about the young man arguing with the old woman in the bus over the position of the window?
I bet the authors would say that the opening and closing of the window is a suggestive sexual allusion or whatever. More so, women were seen as always submissive in their gestures in a man's presence. I'm not going to go into that. Fourth, men were also presented as some sort of primitive grunting beasts ready to jump at each other's throats OK, I am exaggerating, but the authors did seem to see them as very simplistic beings incapable of any kind of complex thoughts.
I find this particularly insulting. All in all, this was another book I used as research for the series I am writing. The best thing about it is that a it's comprehensive there are even chapters about mirroring another person's body language or height differences or seating positions and b it has useful illustrations. I recommend it to other aspiring writers, just be careful to take it with a grain of salt.
As a bonus, checking this book, I realize that my characters' body language has been pretty well-written, just too detailed and hard to follow at points. Feb 07, Mary rated it liked it Recommended to Mary by: This makes conversations frequently confusing to decipher. To counter these disparities in thoughts and words and understand what is really being said, the secrets of body language revealed in this book can prove to be extremely useful. It provides techniques to learn how to read between the lines and interpret non-verbal cues correctly.
The book stresses on the fact that human behavior must be observed in clusters, i. Through the techniques outlined in this book, readers can also learn to recognize power plays, love signs, and deception. Interesting concepts like micro expressions, mirroring, arm positioning, and eye signals are also discussed. The book was first published in , as a revision of the book, Body Language. This particular edition of the book was published in